August 26, 2009 11PM
So I haven't blog anything about my life lately, because I have been going to a stage of life where nothing in the world really matters anymore…
All that really matters is the well being of me? I don't know what else matters anymore.
All I know is that life has been treating me very harsh. I must say that there are so many things that I wished I didn't have to experience at this moment.
So my mind replays what mom told me on Saturday afternoon.
She said:
I don’t see as a part of the family anymore. All you do is think that you are the most important of the family and you think that if you are taking care of your brothers is doing a favor for me. OH PLEASE… no…
I won't call you my daughter anymore. It is a mistake in the first place to have you as one of my child.
I will no longer support in any way, form or shape. You can go and find your way of life on your own.
I don't want to ever see you again. You can go ahead and have babies and I don't care who you will marry anymore, because I have no control of your life. You go and do whatever you need to do but remember you don't belong to my family anymore.
Your brothers don’t want to see anymore. None of us will ever visit where you are.
I won't regret it and I mean it. I hate you and you are just a waste of time and money for me.
I hope that you will be a homeless and someone that won't be able to achieve anything in life.
You can't go anywhere now.
Bye.
These are some of the words that keep replaying on my mind. I don't know what to do.
I don't know anything anymore. A part of me doesn't know what I believe anymore.
There is still a part of me crying out that I need to go back to Jesus and cry out and pray...
I don't know. I feel so weak to the point that I don't really want to do anything in life but be a NOBODY?
I am always tired now. I don't know why I have to go to school and trying so hard to get all the basics of college out of my way.
A part of me feels that my heart breaks into pieces when I think of people that have rejected me or didn't want to be my friends... for example: people deleting me from Facebook because they are jealous that I have "LOTS" of friends... or I mean I have more friends than them and they don't want to see my popularity to go HIGHER?
I don’t know what the problem is anymore.
All I know is that I got lots going on in my life at this moment.
I don’t know what else to think. I really need to pray and pray more!
I feel so far away from Jesus and from a lot of different people.
I need rest. I need peace in my mind.
I want to go and sleep and wake up thinking that it is a new day and is a day to start things over!
Common’ I need to relax and enjoy the time that I am still young.
I don’t want my young life to go by as if it was just worries and unhappiness…
Alright… this is it for now.
I really don’t care if people are going to read this or not.
All I know is that I will try my best to achieve what I want to do in life which is to impact others by Christ’s love!
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